What a Girl Will Go Through for Her Breasts

Reconstruction is HELL! The process of stretching out the pectoral muscle with expanders on a woman who has had a mastectomy is the most ridiculously barbaric practice I have ever witnessed or experienced.

Having said all that, I'm sure I'll be happy with the results, but I am not sure I would have put myself through this if I knew what it was going to be like. This is worse than chemo, mastectomy and lymph node removal. And on top of this I am guaranteed to need more surgeries throughout my life.

Our society puts too much emphasis on breasts. It's ultimately my responsibility, but why do we put this importance on female breasts? It's a very arbitrary measure of our femininity.

Number One of Last Four Chemo Treatments

One down, three to go! I started my last four rounds of chemo today. So far I feel fine. The side effects may not kick in for a few days, but I'm hoping I'll get through this as easily (relatively speaking) as I did with the first four A/C treatments.

One thing I know is that there is a rare chance of allergic reaction to this chemo. I did not have that so at this point I am carrying on with the treatment. Since I had such a good response to the A/C my oncologist will allow me to stop treatment if at any point I can not tolerate this chemo. He wants (and I want) me to finish all four treatments though just for the extra insurance. It may be only 1 or 2 per cent but that's enough for me.

Back to Chemo

On Monday I begin four more treatments of a drug called Taxotere. There are a whole new set of potential side effects associated with this one. I am going to assume that I can handle this as well as I handled the last chemo, but I have to say that I'm nervous and don't want to do it. But I would be more nervous not to even try. Recurrence is something I do not want and I'll do whatever I have to for the highest chance of avoiding it. I've spent enough time sick from fighting this cancer.

A Surprise

My husband's co-workers showed up at my house today with all kinds of wonderful gifts today. Not only was it very cool to see friends and spend time with them, but they picked out some very thoughtful gifts for me. It was so touching that they put so much thought into it and I'm so thankful that Billy works with such caring people.

The first gift was a Scooba floor cleaner. This will save us so much time and especially now with my arms being useless after surgery, we really appreciate it. What a cool idea! And they also gave me a beautiful gift basket designed by one of Billy's very creative and beautiful co-workers. It was filled with all sorts of fun and practical gifts. There was a heating pad, a little device to keep the car seat belt from hurting my body (isn't that a great idea) and a little bell to call my husband when I need him (and Billy especially liked this one of course ;-). I especially like the small stuffed bull dog which is now my mascot to remind me always to be strong and fierce in this fight. But the best gift is just knowing that there are so many people out there who care and show up for you when you need them--not just with presents or food, although that is great, but with their time and thoughts and prayers.

Thanks to everyone who is there for Billy and me, and to everyone who reads this blog who is there for someone in his or her own life who may be fighting cancer or some other illness.

Pathology

My post-surgical pathology report shows no cancer in my breasts or lymph nodes. I'd be doing a little happy dance if it weren't for all the vicodin I've been taking! Back to the couch for me.

Recovery

I'm home and feeling pretty good for one week out from surgery. The plastic surgeon took my bandages off today and says I'm recovering better than expected. He also took two of my three drains out and the pain pump is gone.

I expect my chemo can start again in the next week or two along with the weekly reconstruction work. By mid-November this will all be over!